I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You were trust falling into bushes
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize