i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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