you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
