So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
