i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
