walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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