Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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