New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
