2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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