The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
