I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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