Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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