Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
