I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
