He felt like a one man threesome
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
