My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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