Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think people are normalizing furries
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
