I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
