Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize