theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
