My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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