You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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