i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
