i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
