I'm drive I can fine osifer
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
