They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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