When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
