You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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