Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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