just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
