Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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