it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
