my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
