Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
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