ya dads aren't the best wingmen
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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