Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
