Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
