My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize