he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
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