the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
