She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
