so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
