I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
