didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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