from now on my penis is your penis
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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