I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
