Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
