i already hear my dad disowning me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
