oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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