WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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