Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
