I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just googled if crying burns calories
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
