So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
