Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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