Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
