we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
