i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
