She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize