I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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