He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
