Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize