Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
