True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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