This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
