hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
