I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
