im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
