upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
