Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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