I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Randomize
