I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
