i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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