well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
