At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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