Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
