I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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