Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
areolas are like halos for boobs.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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