there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
