Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
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