drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
