booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
