Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize