Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
