if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
