i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
