real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
So squirting runs in the family.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
