we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
