Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
