woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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