so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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